Say Cheese!
by Scruff the Rat
Summary: Classified is not the kind of wolf to profess to have obsessions. Too bad Corporal isn't the kind of bear to give a damn. Classified/Corporal


**Saw the penguins' movie two weeks ago and, yes, I like the North Wind and Dave. Unfortunately, whereas Dave had decent character development, the NW did not—well not most of them anyway. **

**Personally, I found Corporal's binge eating rather interesting and something about the way Classified handled it got me thinking to how many times he and the others have had to deal with this. Then I realized: 'what if the roles were reversed?' **

**Therefore, this fic came to life. Please excuse whatever Disclaimer-Nazis needle that I claim ownership over the characters and elements in this story...because I don't.**

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><p>Classified.<p>

Enigma wrapped in mystery...

Elite and dedicated spy...

Leader of the North Wind...

Cheez-Its enthusiast...

And in this case, "enthusiast" meant "obsessed with cheesy foods to the point of addiction." Not that Classified would ever admit _that _out loud, not even to his own teammates. He preferred it that way.

The elite do _not _have obsessions, especially not with such childish, common, and unhealthy snack foods. How Corporal managed to keep his own "munchies" (as Short Fuse tauntingly called it) under control, Classified had no idea because right now, the wolf sure wished the polar bear were here to give him some tips.

Those blasted Cheez-Its were driving him up the wall about as much as Skipper did, difficult to fathom as that was.

Classified growled at the memory of the lead penguin. Even though his team and the penguins had come to an understanding after their last adventure, there were still moments when the two leaders got under their fur/feathers.

And no moment affected the wolf worse than when Skipper would snack on those revolting Cheezy Dibbles.

Smacking his tongue on them...

Savoring them as if they were his Last Meal...

Licking their residue off of his face...

It drove Classy to madness. After all, Cheezy _Dibbles _is not a far jump to Cheez-_Its_.

And Classified absolutely _adored _Cheez-Its.

Their perfectly tetragonal form...the variety of superbly happy flavors (Parmesan and Cheddar Jack being among the wolf's favorites)...the sprinkles of salt on each and every one of those delightful diminutive devils...

He had been in love with them ever since cubhood and that love never diminished into adulthood. In fact, they got even worse after his joining North Wind. No amount of fine cuisine, no matter how succulent, could ever hope to relieve him of this hunger.

Therefore and thusly, he was sneaking towards the ship's kitchen like a prowler, tossing furtive glances this way and that on the outlook for any potential obstacles to his prize because Classified already raised enough suspicion through his hasty retreat from the control room, leaving behind four perplexed penguins and three incredulous teammates, who the lupine heavily doubted bought..._whatever_ lame excuse he was too deep in cheese withdrawal to remember at the moment.

_'__No, this is for the good of everyone! Yes, it _is_for the good of everyone! Once I get these ridiculous urges under control, I'll be better focused. Yes, that's it!'_

Now then, the kitchen should be right about—aha, here it was! Resisting the powerful urge to lick his chops, Classified threw one last glance over the hall before slipping into the kitchen.

A wall of fur and chubbiness barred him two steps inside.

"OOF!" Classified exclaimed, half out of surprise and half out of the pain to his sensitive nose, to which he instantly applied a tender rub. Backing up with a glare, he discovered the "wall" to be none other than Corporal, hands behind his back, the winter bear's downward gaze on his leader unreadable although the wolf swore he could detect a dash of amusement.

_'__O, well, it could have been worse, I suppose. Corporal knows the struggles of hunger pangs better than anyone else I know, so there'd be no reason for him to extract any amusement from this.'_

With a sigh of relief, the wolf relaxed his stance and greeted his subordinate with a cool smile, hands behind his back. "Ah, Corporal, fancy meeting you here; is there a matter that needs to be brought to my attention? Because if there is, I assure you that—"

His demeanor melted like ice at the sight of the familiar red box the bear suddenly produced from behind his back. The white block letters seemed to mock Classified as Corporal teasingly waved the box back and forth in front of his leader's face.

"Is _this_ your objective, sir?" the ursine's dopey smirk said everything.

And Classified was not amused. Though he succeeded in retaining his straight posture, his snack desire began to gnaw at his calmness, something he figured the bear to be aware of as well.

"Corporal," the wolf stated tersely, voice holding back an ill-concealed growl, "as your commanding officer, I strongly advise against your behavior. This is not the place for games."

To this threat, Corporal committed the most earthshaking reply Classified had ever received in his life.

He giggled...giggled like a schoolgirl talking to her crush. Hiding his face behind the box did _not _win him any favors.

Oh, how Classified wanted to...strangle him? He should, considering the situation.

Here they were, on the precipice of a major cheese catastrophe, and this bear had the nerve to treat it as if it were no big deal! Plus, giggling tended to have the opposite effect on Classified as Cheez-Its. Whether from children or adults, women or men, it always messed up his brain chemistry.

For some odd reason, though, hearing Corporal doing it soothed his mood, just like every other time since North Wind's mission against Dave. Still, the wolf had to facepalm at the bear's silliness. How on Earth did someone this goofy ever end up a secret agent?

"That is a shame, sir," Corporal finally answered, eyeing Classified in a manner the wolf found...not quite discomforting as much as endearing, even when the bear leaned in to happily whisper in his ear. "Games give some of the spice of life."

To the North Wind leader's further wonder, the polar bear began circling him like a carnivore closing on a delicious piece of prey...but Classified could tell Corporal had different intentions from consuming him.

_'__Unless, of course, I give him permission to...' _the lupine mused, surprised at himself. This behavior held more precedent than any animal who didn't know the bear would expect yet at the same time it had come completely out of left-field.

And Classified was nothing if not an observer.

Being on the same team as Corporal for so long, the wolf had witnessed the bear in his most raw and vulnerable moments. The panic attacks, the subsequent binge-eating, the affinity for "cute and cuddly" creatures: all these traits and more painted images that helped Classified, Eva, and Short get a lock on how the bear ticked.

It was that mission to save the penguins that—No, it was the moment the four of them _almost died_ that caused change in the North Wind. Classified had noticed not too long after the penguins had departed back to the circus via jetpacks that his teammates were carrying themselves differently.

Everyone remained as diligent and dedicated as ever but there was no mistaking the increasingly frequent glimmers of emotion in Eva's eyes or the moments Short Fuse could be found by the window daydreaming during breaks or Corporal's flirting.

Corporal and flirting: those were not two words that belonged together yet there they were. What disoriented Classified even further was when Eva confirmed yesterday that the innuendos were indeed meant for one animal: Classified himself. The wolf had spent that day in the gym hoping in vain the sweat and fatigue would erase the sudden fancies the owl's words had been bringing up since then.

_'__Okay, granted, I know Corporal identifies as being gay and none of us have ever harangued him for that, but that doesn't mean I'm about to crawl into bed with him because of a few hormone-driven sex fantasies.'_

Wrong.

It should've been wrong.

So how come Corporal's teasing didn't bother him?

Classified knew for a fact he wasn't into men; of course, he had never displayed much interest in women either. Spy life left little to no room for romantic pursuits, though now that Classified pondered his current situation over, Corporal more than defied that obstacle.

He plowed straight through it.

His thoughts broke off when a warm meaty paw came to rest on his back, the wolf almost flinching but then relaxing involuntarily as Corporal worked his fingers deep and long against his back. Deep content hums escaped Classified before he could regain self-control—not that Corporal would let that happen any time soon.

In the blink of an eye, Corporal wrapped Classified in a strong yet gentle embrace, the bear's ocean mint shampoo cleansing and easy on the wolf's nostrils as the intense body heat lulled him into hazy half-awareness.

"I remember how you clung to me."

Confusion at first...

"Your screams..."

Then it clicked: the death machine...or precisely the aftermath.

Even though Private no longer held any ill will towards the wolf for their confrontation before the final battle with Dave, Classified could imagine Skipper wiggling information about the wolf's undignified behavior out of the younger penguin.

Classified felt his ears go limp at whatever he would hear next.

The wolf shamed his team with his behavior. Arrogant as he was, he deeply valued his teammates' viewpoints of him and could scarcely fathom why they hadn't brought the moment back up, let alone called HQ up to request a new leader.

He deserved any comment he had coming to him.

"They were such turn-ons."

Uh, what? Classified managed to back up a little in Corporal's grasp so he could turn around and eye the bear with a look that tried hard to be skeptical but instead turned out mystified and perhaps curious.

Corporal merely smiled back, shrugging his shoulders as his hands busied themselves with the wolf's pointy ears, an action that met a surprising lack of resistance. "Well, it's true. Most of the time, you act so strong and dominant that to hear and see you act so powerless—"

A shove in the gut allowed Classified to finally break away. He glared at the bear in disgust. "It made you lust for the closest opportunity to take advantage of me, is that it?"

After all, Trust could be a dangerous mistress, especially for spies. Your closest confidante could be an enemy mole in disguise while your years-long rival could've been your ally all along. That's why Classified strayed away from relationships that were anything other than professional.

Too many unknowns...too many 'what ifs'...

Of course, he'd been that way ever since he lost his parents so it'd been quite easy...and why the sympathetic light that crossed Corporal's eyes was so jarring. The polar bear stepped towards the wolf and took his smaller paws in his in a grip so strong and tender that Classified found his wariness melting against his will.

"Corporal...," he started in a low tone, speechless beyond measure, especially when the bear neared his face until the two mammals' noses could almost touch. "I...you shouldn't—"

Foreheads touched. A hand reached Classified's shoulder and the wolf hitched his breath instinctively, ready for the bad surprise, for the flash of light that signaled betrayal and heartbreak.

"I won't disappear with the storm. I promise." With his free hand, Corporal held out the box that Classified honestly forgot until now. "Cheez-Its...?"

Classified eyed the object being offered to him then lifted his gaze back up to Corporal, taking in the bear's honest smile and beaming eyes. Face calm and stoic, Classified took the box and set it on the dining table behind him.

Before a perplexed Corporal could question his leader's choice of action, he found his face grabbed by two paws and slammed down onto Classified's smooth lips, pleasantly plushy and searing to the point of the ursine wondering in the back of his mind how someone so dignified and serious could be so...so...

Okay! Yeah, that was his groin being pressed against.

Corporal felt his eyes roll into the back of his head as his eyelids fluttered shut, arms snaking around Classified's body and lifting the wolf up so their lips were more level together then hummed excitedly at the feel of Classified's tongue slipping past his teeth and coaxing his own to play.

All too soon, Classified pulled away with ragged breath and genial eyes, unlike himself and more himself than ever before. Quickly stealing another kiss from Corporal, he amply disengaged himself from the bear's arm and dropped down to the floor while maintaining his grip on his bear.

He jerked his head back at the table where box stood in waiting.

"_Now _Cheez-Its..."

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><p><strong>Consider this one of my upcoming Christmas presents.<strong>


End file.
